When people hurt us, it changes us. Sometimes, the pain is deep, and it stays with us for years. It shapes how we see the world, how we trust others, and even how we see ourselves. We may think, “If they really cared, they wouldn’t have done that.” Or “I’ll never be okay because of what happened.” These thoughts are real. And they hurt.

For a long time, I believed that forgiving people made me weak. I thought it meant saying what they did was okay. I thought it meant I had to be close to them again. But I was wrong.

Forgiveness is not about letting someone off the hook. It’s not about pretending the hurt never happened. It’s not about saying it didn’t matter. Because it did, it still does. But forgiveness is about survival. It’s about freeing yourself from the pain that keeps pulling you down.

When we hold onto anger, it stays with us. It lives in our minds and in our bodies. It shows up as stress, anxiety, and sadness. We think holding onto it will protect us, but really, it just keeps us stuck.

I used to think that if I stayed angry, it would remind people of how much they hurt me. I thought that by not forgiving, I was showing them I was strong. But the truth is, I was hurting myself more than anyone else. The pain didn’t go away. It got heavier.

Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you have to talk to them. It doesn’t mean you have to let them back into your life. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is let them go—and still choose to forgive, not for them, but for you.

I’ve had to forgive people who never said sorry. People who walked away without looking back. People who made me feel unworthy and unloved. Forgiving them didn’t erase what they did. But it gave me something I didn’t expect—it gave me peace.

It also helped me forgive myself.

That part might be even harder. Sometimes, we carry guilt for things that weren’t our fault. Other times, we hold shame for choices we wish we could take back. I’ve made mistakes. I’ve stayed too long in the wrong places. I’ve hurt people, too. But learning to forgive myself was one of the most important things I’ve ever done.

I had to remind myself that I was doing the best I could at the time. I had to learn that healing isn’t about being perfect—it’s about trying again. It’s about growing. And it’s about being kind to yourself when you fall.

Forgiveness is not a weakness. It takes strength to let go of the anger. It takes courage to say, “This hurt me, but I won’t let it control me anymore.” And it takes heart to believe you deserve peace, even when your past tells you otherwise.

We all have scars. We all carry stories that still make us cry. But we don’t have to stay there. We can choose to rise. We can choose to heal. We can choose to forgive—not because they deserve it, but because we do.

Forgiveness is how we move forward. It’s how we learn to breathe again after holding it in for too long. It’s how we start to feel free.

If you’re struggling to forgive, I understand. Start small. Be patient. And remember—you are not weak. You are brave. And you are worth the peace that forgiveness brings.