Sometimes, the weight of past wounds doesn’t fully register until it begins shaping present choices—especially in the relationships we pursue. For those who’ve experienced early trauma, particularly abandonment or emotional neglect, romantic patterns often mirror unresolved pain. The pursuit of love isn’t always about love itself. Often, it’s about chasing what feels familiar—even if that familiarity is unhealthy.

Many discover this pattern over time: chasing “He.” Not one specific man, not one singular relationship, but a repeated cycle. Each version of “He” may seem different at first glance—yet they all carry a familiar thread. Emotionally distant. Unavailable. Unable to meet someone fully. Still, the pattern continues. The hope remains that this time, things will be different. That this time, they will be chosen. That this time, they will finally feel enough.

But trauma doesn’t heal by repeating the same story. Healing begins when the question is finally asked: Why does this keep happening?

For many, it begins with the first “He”—a father who left, a parent who wasn’t emotionally present, or a caregiver who couldn’t provide consistent love. Even if there was a return later, the early rupture often leaves a lasting imprint. The lack of attachment, the absence of security, and the desperate longing to feel seen can shape how love is sought moving forward.

When children don’t receive the emotional connection they need, especially from someone who was supposed to stay, they often internalize the idea that love must be earned. That it requires effort, performance, or proving one’s worth. And when love feels distant or unreciprocated, it doesn’t always raise red flags—it often feels like home.

This isn’t about blame—it’s about clarity. Understanding. Healing.

In Trauma’s Worth, the narrative explores how deep-seated trauma patterns often surface in intimate relationships. It reveals how early emotional wounds can lead individuals to seek out the same kind of pain repeatedly—not because they want to suffer, but because the pain is what they know. It’s a pattern rooted in survival, not weakness.

But healing is possible. When individuals begin to understand the “why” behind their relational choices, they unlock the ability to choose differently. To chase something new: peace, safety, self-respect.

The path to healing is not simple. Unlearning trauma responses requires honesty, time, and support. It begins with recognizing that the need for love was never the problem. The real challenge lies in who someone felt they had to become to be worthy of it.

For anyone who has ever wondered, Why do I keep choosing people who can’t love me back? or Why do I always feel like I’m not enough? — the answer is not in shame but in the story. The story matters. The heart behind the question matters. And no one is too far gone to find a love that feels safe.

Healing begins not with chasing the next “He” but in turning inward. In choosing self-compassion over self-abandonment. In discovering that the most important love story may be the one finally written with the self at the center.

In Trauma’s Worth, author Heather Jessica Sieben Bell offers not just a personal account but a deeply reflective narrative for anyone who has ever felt unchosen, unheard, or unsafe. Through unflinching honesty and emotional clarity, the book explores how childhood trauma seeps into adulthood, especially in the relationships that matter most. It’s about finding the courage to stop chasing the familiar pain—and to start choosing peace, presence, and the worth that was always there.

For those ready to understand their patterns, question their past, and begin again with honesty—Trauma’s Worth is more than a story. It’s a companion for healing.